Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
