Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
