i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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