my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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