I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
