Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
