I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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