you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
