I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
