Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
