I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
