and she was petting her beer can
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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