We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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