I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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