I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Sorry my hands just texted you
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
It's rum buckets o'clock
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
