it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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