Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
