Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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