just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize