i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
