I didn't shave. On purpose
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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