we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
