Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
