i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
