New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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