She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
