So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
