That's when you crack a 10am beer
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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