Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
