I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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