Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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