I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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