I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
