I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Randomize
