Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
