at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
