he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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