obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
