found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
