I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
