he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The chlamydia really affected his face.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
