I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
