You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
