Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
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