I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
