from now on my penis is your penis
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
