I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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