I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
We had sex on a dog bed..
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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