so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
