Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
