420 ftw
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
it's great music for shaving your balls
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
