She went from zero to smokin in five shots
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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