Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
