do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Princesses don't give blow jobs
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
