Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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