genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
wow bdsm is so cute
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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