hell yes lets make some ravioli
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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