my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
