For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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