That's when you crack a 10am beer
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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