Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
