Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
