my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
