Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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