I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I need water and some morals
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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