So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
