I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
