Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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