hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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