I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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