did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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